Nginqume ukubuka lo mbukiso we-movie ophelele ngemuva kwengxoxo nabanye ababhali engangikanye nabo be-iHorror ababeke bahlanganisa ngaphambili muck njengengxenye yochungechunge lwethu lweCutthroat Critics. Ngixwayiswe kahle ukuthi ngeke ngiyithande le filimu.

Angikwazi ngandlela-thile ukweqisa ukuthi le movie ingicasule kangakanani. Ngiyibukile ngenkathi ngidla eziningana izingilazi zewayini, ngicabanga ukuthi lokho kuzosiza. Akuzange.

muck yiyona movie edume kakhulu futhi engaqondakali engake ngayibona. Ukuzethemba okumangazayo - ukushushumbisa okukhulu - ukuthi ngifisa sengathi ngabe bekuyinto ebonakalayo ukuze ngiyishaye ngqo emgodini.

muck inakho konke ukuzibamba nokugxila komfana oneminyaka eyi-15 obnyanyisayo onamahloni osanda kuthola umagazini wakhe wokuqala we-Playboy. Ngoba uma ifika kukho, yilokho kuphela muck is - izaba zokushaya umxhwele ifomu labesifazane elixhunywe abesilisa nabesifazane ngenkathi ufaka udlame oluthile lokulufihla njengefilimu ethusayo.

Yebo, lena akuyona eyokuqala - noma eyokugcina - i-movie yokuhlanganisa i-nubile, ikakhulukazi abesifazane abanqunu abane-splatter gore, kepha, ungakuthola abanye ukufana kwesakhiwo noma isakhiwo esihambisanayo noma - isihogo - nomqondo ocacile wokuthi ngubani “inkanyezi” yangempela yendaba yolahleko. Kepha, ngiya phambili kwami. Ake sihlukanise lokhu kancane.

Okokuqala, isizinda esincane. Umbhali / umqondisi / umkhiqizi uSteve Wolsh wenza ifilimu yakhe yokuqala nge muck. Kuqale ePlayboy Mansion ngo-2015, ngoba vele kunjalo.

muck izinkanyezi Lachlan Buchanan (Abancane nabangaphumuli) njengomlingiswa ogama lakhe lingu- "Troit", uBryce Draper (Kuboshwe), UStephanie Danielson (Ukushayisana okujwayelekile), Isihlabani se-YouTube uLauren Francesca, kanye no-2012 Playboy Playmate woNyaka uJaclyn Swedberg. Isithonjana seHorror uKane Hodder ngandlela thile lapho futhi. Ufanelwe okungcono.

Ibhayisikobho iqala ngeqembu lamafrazi futhi okuthiwa anokwesaba (abakuveza ngokufunga nje njalo, ngoba "ukulingisa") ama-20-ama-somethings njengoba evela emgxobhozweni onamaxhaphozi. Ngokwencazelo yale filimu, “basinda ngokulambisa endaweni yokungcwaba yasendulo”, kodwa-ke akukho okushiwo ngalokho. Kube bonke. Noma kungani abalingiswa besifazane begqoke eceleni. La madoda amabili agqoke ngokuphelele - agqoke izendlalelo, ngisho - ngenkathi izintokazi zigqoke izingubo zangaphansi futhi zihlala zikhala ngamakhaza. Umbhedo.

Omunye walaba bafana ulimele, kepha akukho ngxoxo ngalokho okwenzekile, noma kanjani, noma ngani. Noma yiluphi ulwazi ongalindela ukuluthola olunikeza le movie uhlobo oluthile lwesakhiwo lungekho ngokusobala.

Uma ubukhathazekile ngokuthi udaba lwendaba olulahlekile luzongena engxoxweni ekhubazekile, ungaphumula kalula. Omunye wabesifazane abagqoke kahle wenza i-jab e-perky nokho engajwayelekile ngesikhathi se-Horny E-Douchebag Elimele (ngisho, lokho mhlawumbe igama lakhe lomlingiswa) nomugqa, "Awunalo igazi elanele elisele kuwe ukugcwalisa lowo dick wakho omkhulu".

Ngakho… kukhona lokho.

Umbhalo kaWolsh ubonakala sengathi uvela esikoleni sezingxoxo u-Eli Roth, esihlanganisa izisekelo ezifana nokuthi “yenza abalingiswa bakho bangathandeki ngokuphelele” futhi “bhala ngathi awukaze uzwe ingxoxo yabantu abadala ejwayelekile”. Akubekezeleleki.

Abalingiswa bakhipha imibono yobungqingili nobandlululo kuyo yonke imuvi - bezimboze kancane "njengendlalifa yokudlala". I-misogyny idlangile kangangokuba kukhona uhlobo oluthile lokuphikisana ngamazwi noma okubukwayo njalo ngemizuzwana engama-45.

Kumakhredithi okuvula, isibonelo, sinikezwa isigcawu esigcwele ama-engeli wekhamera agudlukayo agxile kulungu langaphambili leqembu labo elahlekile futhi esabayo (sicabanga kanjalo?), Egqoke kuphela izingubo zangaphansi ezingcolile (kucatshangwa ukuthi ufile, ngakho-ke asikaze sibone her again) ngomongo we-zero.

Ngenkathi kunezibhamu eziningi ezinde, ezinde (ikakhulukazi eziseduze) zamabele akhe enqunu, asikaze sibubone kahle ubuso bakhe bangempela. Ngoba lokho akubalulekile? Ngibona kanjalo? Akadlali naye ubuso, nina bafana.

Sula.

Ngokwengeziwe, ngiyaqiniseka impela ukuthi iskripthi besingacishe sibe side ngokwanele ukwenza ifilimu ephelele, ngakho-ke isinqumo senziwe sokushaya isenzo ngokubhala ngobudlabha kwezinganekwane zangaphakathi.

Yiso kuphela isizathu engingacabanga ngaso, noma kunjalo. Yini enye ongayidinga ukufaka indawo lapho "iTroit" ilinda ngosuku lwayo njengoba izama ezine - yebo, ezine - amasethi e-bra ne-panty ahlukene endlini yokugezela yebha. Usebenza esitodlwaneni semfihlo sikaVictoria's Secret okusobala ukuthi sigqitshwe esikhwameni sakhe, uzama ukuthola inhlanganisela yezingubo zangaphansi ezinhle kakhulu (ngosuku ayilo sekuvele kuvuliwe).

Njengenothi eliseceleni, kunoma ngubani ozibuza ukuthi iyiphi inqola yabesifazane ezungeze ezikhwameni zethu ezinkulu, ngiyakwazi ukuthi i-guaran-fucking-tee wena akuzona amasethi amane wezingubo zangaphansi.

* Rubs ebunzini ngokudinwa * Kulungile… bengikuphi.

muck inesibindi sokuqamba indawo yayo eqanjiwe esabekayo “West Craven” (kanjani qaphele wena). Bajikijela leli gama lokuzihalalisela ngokwehla ngemvamisa ngokungazelelwe okungekho lapho ongakuphuthelwa khona, noma kungenzeki kuze kube cishe izingxenye ezimbili kwezintathu zendlela edlula ku-movie. Yize kunjalo, yethulwa ngamazwana okuthi “iWest Craven” “iyisicefe” kanjani kodwa “ibisihle”. Howfuckingdareyou kuwe.

Lokhu “kunqekuzisa ikhanda” kuWes Craven odumile kuzwakala sengathi kungezwe njengokucabanga ngemuva kwesikripthi engicabanga ukuthi siqukethe uchungechunge lwama-napkins e-cocktail ashubile, ahlanganiswe ndawonye anamagama athi "AMABHOBHU" kanye no "BUTTS" abhalwe kuwo.

Okuthile engikushilo ekuqaleni kwaba ukudideka okukhulu nabaphikisi. Akekho kubo othandekayo, abanawo amaqhawe, futhi akekho noyedwa ogqame njenge “qhawe” lapha. Ayikho Intombazane Yokugcina, iqembu nje lama-assholes okuthi ngasizathu simbe athole amalungu amaningi esenzweni sesithathu njengoba iTroit nabangane bakhe besifazane bevela.

Sisale sizibuza ukuthi kungani kufanele sikhathalele ukude ngalezi zilima, nokuthi kungani isihogo iTroit no co. Isingeniso sasesidingeka kakhulu kangangokuba kwathatha umfutho owawunayo i-movie futhi wasimisa kancane.

Akukho okwenza umqondo ozwakalayo, akukho okuchazwayo, futhi ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho umlingiswa evula umlomo wabo asho umugqa othile we-asinine, ugcwala igagasi elisha lenzondo.

Ngaphandle kweqiniso lokuthi iqembu lezinsizwa ezisencane, ezi-sexy zilwela izimpilo zazo, akukho sidingo sangempela sokuthi noma ngubani athole usizo. I-pacing igcwele ukushesha nokuma kangangokuba kufana nokubuka umuntu ezama ukushayela ushintsho lwenduku okokuqala.

Bengizokusho lokho muck unamahlaya olimi lwangempela esihlathini, kepha lokho kungasho ukuthi noma yini ngebhayisikobho iyahlekisa nakude. Ngiyakuqonda ukuthi inhloso kwakuwukwenza isitayela esesabekayo, esesabekayo sokuxhashazwa kwesitayela - uhlobo lokuhlonishwa okungahlobene ebusuku - kepha kuswela ngokuphelele ukwazisa okwenza lawo mafilimu abe ngeqiniso futhi abe mnandi.

Imiklamo "yezidalwa" iyadumaza, iyabhora, futhi ayethulwanga ngendlela enikeza noma iyiphi inkomba yokuthi zingobani noma ukuthi zivelaphi. Impela, amanye amafilimu asebenzise lo mqondo “wosongo olungaziwa” phambilini, kepha imvamisa imnandi, hhayi nje iqembu labafana abanempandla elimbozwe ngempuphu yengane.

Kukhona i-prequel kucatshangelwa ukuthi iyasebenza ngoba kusobala muck kuyingxenye trilogy. Mhlawumbe i-prequel izokhanyisa ukuthi kwenzekani ngaleyo "ndawo yokungcwaba" ekuqaleni kwe- muck, kepha ekusebenzeni, lowo ngumbono oyisimanga engake ngawuzwa. I-prequel ikhona ukugcwalisa imininingwane eyengeziwe ngenhloso yokwakha umhlaba, hhayi ukufihla imigodi yesakhiwo ongeke ukhathazwe ukubhekana nayo.

Baqale ukukhulisa imali ye-prequel ngokusebenzisa iKickstarter ngaphambili muck wadedelwa ngisho esidlangalaleni, futhi abasekeli bakhululiwe hhayi ukujabula mayelana nemivuzo elahlekile nokuntuleka kobunikazi kuWolsh. Akukho okwenza abalaleli bathande ifilimu ekhungathekisa ngokumangazayo enendawo engaphelele nokubambezeleka kweminyaka emine phakathi kwezihloko.

Manje, muck ngingaba nezimfanelo ezithile zokuhlenga - ngivame ukudumisa i-cinematography noma imiphumela ebonakalayo - kepha ngokweqiniso angikwazanga nokubhalisa uma kukhona okuthile okuzuzisayo ngale movie. Kunjalo kabi.

Ngakho-ke. Yebo.

Ngangikuzonda.

Faka isonto elizayo ngolunye uhlobo lwamuva Lwephathi! Ungahlola izihloko eziningi kusuka ku- uchungechunge lwethu oluqhubekayo lapha.