Kubhalwe nguPatti Pauley

Emuva e-ole evuthiwe 'yeminyaka emine, iqhawe elingalindelekile lafika emhlabeni wami. Wayehlekisa, ebukeka sengathi angamamitha ayishumi ubude esikrinini (kuya eminyakeni emine kimi noma kunjalo) futhi wayenamabhola wensimbi uma kukhulunywa ngokushayisana nempisi eyayicasuke ngokweqile, enehlo elilodwa. Ukuthi abangani bami, yindoda, inganekwane, i-no-bullshit ethatha uGary Busey futhi namuhla usuku lwakhe lokuzalwa.

 

 

Cishe kwakungo-1986, futhi abazali bami nogogo nomkhulu bami babehleli egumbini lokuphumula efulethini lethu bebuka imovie ethile engatshelwa kaninginingi ukuthi angivunyelwe ukuyibona nabo. Vele, imuphi oneminyaka engu-4 ubudala olalelayo empeleni, akunjalo? Ngangiphikelela ngihamba ngiphindela emuva ngivela ephasishi ngiya endaweni yokuhlala ukuze ngithole amazwibela alokhu okungavumelekile kuthelevishini yethu enesibhakela kuze kube yilapho owangimunca uBaba ekugcineni evuma futhi ehlala eduze kwakhe embhedeni wethu onemibala egqamile. Kungaleso sikhathi lapho ngangazi khona ukuthi ngangishubile; okwesikhashana okungenani noma kunjalo.

I-movie okukhulunywa ngayo ibithi UStephen King's Bullet weSiliva futhi yize ngangiyingane enzima impela ngikhulela emndenini othanda ukwethuka, I-Bullet yesiliva ngethuke ngichame njalo. Ngenkathi ngikhululeka ngesitsha sami esincane sopopayi, indawo lapho impisi yeqa ngefasitela leStella Randolph eyodwa kwenzeka futhi ngangihlaba umxhwele futhi ngethuka ngaphezu kokuqonda. Vele, ngafaka ubuso bami obunesibindi futhi ngathinta i-movie ngoba i-goddammit, ngacela lokhu. Futhi bengizofakazela izingxenye zabazali engingakwazi ukuyiphatha le filimu. Kodwa empeleni ngaphakathi bengishaya ibhulukwe lami. Kodwa-ke, kunento eyodwa eyenza konke okwenzeka kwaba lula kancane kumuntu wami omncane osabekayo: Uncle fucking Red.

UMalume Red, odlalwa nguSir Gary waseBusey, ubesebenza njengeqhawe nomsindisi wamahlaya kule ndaba yokwesaba inyanga egcwele futhi bengizithola ngihleka ngokuhlekisayo kumlingiswa wakhe njalo lapho ezobonakala esikrinini ngobuhlakani bakhe nangezindlebe zakhe ezihlekisayo . Leli hlaya elincane eliyisilima likaJack-Ass alitshela uMarty kwakuyinto emnandi kunayo yonke engake ngayizwa eminyakeni emine eMhlabeni ngiyakutshela. Futhi kulo lonke ifilimu umlingiswa kaBusey kancane kancane waba uhlobo lomuntu ohlobo lweSuperhero emehlweni ami. Nguyena mfana owanikeza umshana wakhe nomshana wakhe inzuzo yokungabaza ngesimangalo sokuthi iTarkers Mills ibambe isilo senganekwane sokubulala; nokuthi izingane zazazi ukuthi ungubani ngaphansi kwazo zonke iziboya zesilwane. Yeka umfana ovuvukele! Waze wabenzela inhlamvu yesiliva, noma ngabe bekungokwengqondo nje yenqubo yakhe yokucabanga.

Ngasekupheleni, ngaleyo ndlela yokwakhiwa kwesimo sezulu ngobusuku be-Halloween nenyanga egcwele, uMarty, uJane noMalume Red ukuwina okubhalisile kwe-Popular Mechanics, umzuzwana ozophila ngokudumazeka kwifilimu esabekayo nasezweni lami elincane elisontekile lapho uMalume Red ebhekana ubuso nobuso noMfundisi Werewolf. Ngangiseceleni kwesihlalo sami. Ingabe lokhu kwaba ukuphela kukaBomvu? Ngabe leli qhawe lami elisha lizobambeka kubasosayensi?

Fuck Cha !! UGary Busey uthe sekuyisikhathi sokuduma futhi wabambana nempisi. Mane uthathe lowo musho ngesikhathi esisodwa. U-GARY BUSEY WABHALA I-WEREWOLF. Isitayela seWWF esiqala ngokuphula isihlalo ngemuva kwesilo. Kungumcimbi omkhulu futhi iqhawe lami elisha elitholakele belikhombisa lezo zinwele zesifuba zensimbi. Kwakukhazimula. Ikakhulukazi kumuntu omncane onjengami weqa wehla naphezulu ukhula lwenkohlakalo egcwele ngokushona kwalokhu okusabekayo njengenja enkulu yesihogo. Yilolo suku uGary Busey aba yiqhawe elingaculwa encwadini yami.

Sikufisela usuku oluhle lokuzalwa lwama-73 uGary Busey! Endaweni ethile, othile uchamela inqwaba yamakhadi e-baseball aseYankees, ePhillies, naseNdiya ukugubha.